How do you grieve the loss of a parent?

Introduction

Writing about grief is something I deeply feel since it hits the deepest chords of our very being. I have experienced loss in so many aspects of my life. Usually, when someone loses, they tend to go into a period of deep mourning. Instead, I choose to talk about the loss of a parent from my perspective, having lost both parents at a tender age.

How grief feels

I do not know whether there is a genuine way to paint the picture and let you envision how it feels to lose a parent. For younger children, they might realize the absence of a parent but never internalize what it means. As a result, the children would feel frustrated and confused trying to find the meaning of death. On the other hand, adults would react differently to grief depending on their personality types and emotional intelligence.

Handling the grief process

Grief is a process, as discussed in my previous article. An individual must process the loss of their loved one to find healing and move on with life, those who do not get to mourn around the period of death experience what is known as repression. Repression refers to how an individual blocks emotions, feelings, and memories that they think are unpleasant. The repression process is always done without the individual’s consciousness. However, those who go through grief might follow the grief process.

Denial. At this stage, an individual is still in disbelief and shock, and the brain is still trying to wrap around the idea that their loved one is gone.

Anger. The phase where you might be outraged and express your emotions, projecting them to other people around them or even to superior powers(God). Some get furious at the deceased and ask why they left them.

Bargaining. The person dealing with grief at this point asks the questions of “What if.” They try to come up with different alternatives that would have prevented the loss.

Depression. You might find that you slowly realize that your parent is dead, and that is the reality. One feels sad; they might cry, have periods of insomnia, and lose zeal in daily life activities.

Acceptance. You come to a full realization that however sad you might be, life has to move on. It is followed by a series of bold steps of getting yourself to face the new normal.

Acceptance and moving on

Does one get to reach an acceptable level? I would say yes, they do. It takes time; for some people, it could be weeks, months, or even years. Although from a positive perspective, I would say that it finally gets better. So how do you grieve the loss of a parent?

Please get to the realization that they are gone. When you go through the grieving process, the culmination of the loss becomes apparent with time. It is the most crucial part of moving on and getting yourself back together.

Don’t cling to reminders. It is okay to remember the person who passed away but holding on might become unhealthy. For example, having their rooms after so many years precisely as it was before they died is considered harmful.

Do not block conversations about them. There is healing that comes with openly having conversations about the deceased. Talking relieves some form of tension being held and creates an open space to ask for help and receive help.

Take time and grieve. It is okay to grieve. It is okay to cry and feel sad about the loss. Therefore, when you feel like expressing your emotions, do not hold back.

Go for Therapy. Therapy is my top-of-the-list recommendation. There is an open space and judgment-free environment created by therapy. You might enroll in group therapy where individuals struggling with grief like you do share their stories. From a mutual understanding, you get to benefit from one another.